Christians are straight up FREAKS
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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