his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Be still, my beating vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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