i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
