I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
