is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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