you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
