I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
