Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
