I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
