I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
