its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
