4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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