Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
