Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
