I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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