Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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