Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
