So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
