just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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