Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life is so much better after having sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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