have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
try to milk me bitch
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
