Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
