I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
