i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
