who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
