you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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