You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
