o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
