My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
