But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
