I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
