FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
