His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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