Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
