I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
