I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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