Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
