Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
