if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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