yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
