She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
