i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
