you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
