Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
