Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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