I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
