Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
