He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
