I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
