I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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