guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize