Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
be right there i have to get my cape
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
