Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
