he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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