the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
