I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize