it was like eating out sand paper
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
