and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
