I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
