Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize