i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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