and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
