??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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