Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
