I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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