Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this boner is exhausting
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
