you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
