I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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