I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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