it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sext me about skeletons
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
