Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
