She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
