If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
