All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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