i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
