My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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