Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think people are normalizing furries
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
