Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize